By about 10 am every morning (as observed from my special window seat in my corner office) a sparse but long trail of ladies begin their daily trek to the pool. They go separately and they don't seem to communicate with each other, possibly not aware of the fact that they all have the same routine: a few lathargic laps of breast stroke, head over water, a few moments of lingering by the pool, book in hand, then back to the apartment. Later they re-emerge on their way to the gym. Some have the order reversed.
I have met three girls from our building since we moved in. One Swedish, one British and one Australian. All three came to Singapore with their husbands/boyfriends. All three worked before they came here and all three gave up their jobs in order to make the move. All three are apologetic and try to downplay the fact that they are not working. Not working yet they say. Clearly they don't know how it so happened that they ended up one of those girls who sits by the pool and has to wait out the little economic turn down until they can reasonably hope to get a job. Why is it that it's all girls? Where are the boys who came here with their lovers? Why are women still more likely to make a compromise and give up their careers or at least put a large dent into them? The girls I know are not trophy wives. They had normal jobs before their move to the Spore. It is certainly more socially acceptable for girls to admit they don't work. People, expats and Singaporean alike always ask fancy about his job, never me. Either they want to be polite and not pry into what might be a delicate situation or else they just assume that I probably don't work. And this is 2009 people.
Oh but wait. The crowd at the pool - they are actually not all ladies. There is one very tan French man, giant novels in hand, sitting unashamedly by the pool every single afternoon from 2-5 or until his wife comes home. He does not even apologize, slouches low in his personal deck char and tans fast and furiously.
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Obsessively wanderlusting most of the time; while plotting the next escape temporarily sedentary in London; too many thoughts in head - too little space, putting them here for now.
9 comments:
Very arch! Answer: because we (that's the royal 'we', not you and I) regard men who follow the women in their lives as emasculated; because women learn not to ask to be followed, but to follow. ARGH.
I say just enjoy the sun and drink lots of margaritas. Then join the Dutch club so you can play tennis with the other ladies and have some bitterballen. Or an affair ...
Seriously; something needs to be done about that. Why not start a "stranded young professionals" club or something? I'm sure all that talent could be put to good use for some sort of charitable cause or another!
In fact, if you charge a fee for joining, you might even have a nice entrepeneurial business going.
They're smart, right? Maybe you should HIRE them! Then you could triple your business in headcount and start taking over the WORLD! We'll be rich, they'll be busy. Everyone's happy.
JHE- the French man is very sophisticated (and tan) tooking so maybe that is why we can handle being emasculated? Is it something about being French?
Dr J- I like the young (?) professionals club idea
as an emasculated man... Jude moved twice for me (to Singapore without a job) and I'm about to do my third move following her (to Montreal, without a job)... I'd have to say that the reason that this happens in Singapore is partly the kinds of business there - lots of male dominated banking that brings the guys out, partly the culture that it has - you couldn't be a male dependent there 15 years ago, there wasn't even a box to check on the form and partly the 'Colonial Class' that it attracts as a city.
Plus the women that I knew in who'd moved to Singapore for work tended to have bought into a much bigger lie ----> that they had to choose career over relationship if they wanted to 'get on'. The women were resolutely and politically single. Could that be part of the answer - and is that a bigger issue?
Steve- you are most certainly right about the box that did not even exist for non-working male spouses to check 15 years ago.
The male dominated career bit may be true as well.
What is interesting now I find is that the girls are actually embaressed as opposed to sitting by the pool with mid day margaritas because presumably in their (i.e. our) culture it's really no longer that valued to be a dependent. On the other hand they are still doing it...
True, I learned that women are supposed to follow men. However, I think it is my rejection of that idea that would keep me from asking or expecting a man to follow me, not because I was taught not to ask/expect this. Man/woman equality can not only be accomplished via a severe role reversal, but also through role equality.
Also, for me, a move to another place would have to produce somewhat equal benefits for both partners. So, for me, Career and Relationship are competing factors. It is a legitimate and difficult choice, and not a lie produced by "society".
Yes, role equality over demasculation for sure. I don't mean to say that men should give up their lives and dreams to follow girls around any more than the other way around. In other words someone will always have to sacrifice something, as you said career and relationship are competing factors, so what I find intriguing is that in Singapore in particular men ARE viewed as demasculated if they follow a girl here (I have since found a case where it went that way around) and that would explain why it is easier and certainly more acceptable for girls to come here with a guy. And as Steve said...the industry seems to be laid out for it as well.
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